Funny Stuff

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation...


Picard:     Sigma Indri, that's the star,
            So, Data, please, how far? How far?
 
Data:       Our ship can get there very fast
            But still the trip will last and last
            We'll have two days til we arrive
            But can the Indrans there survive?
 
Picard:     LaForge, please give us factor nine.
 
LaForge:    But, sir, the engines are offline!
 
Picard:     Offline! But why? I want to go!
            Please make it so, please make it so!
 
Riker:      But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
            We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
            The danger here is far too great!
 
Picard:     But surely we must not be late!
 
Troi:       I'm sensing anger and great ire.
 
Computer:   Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
 
Picard:     The ship's on fire? How could this be?
            Who lit the fire?
 
Riker:      Not me.
 
Worf:       Not me.
 
Picard:     Computer, how long til we die?
 
Computer:   Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
 
Data:       May I suggest a course to take?
            We could, I think, quite safely make
            Extinguishers from tractor beams
            And stop the fire, or so it seems...
 
Geordi:     Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
            Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!
 
Picard:     Mr. Data, thank you much.
            You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.
 
Troi:       We still must save the Indran planet --
 
Data:       Which (by the way) is made of granite...
 
Picard:     Enough, you android. Please desist.
            We understand -- we get your gist.
            But can we get our ship to go?
            Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.
 
Geordi:     There's sabotage among the wires
            And that's what started all the fires.
 
Riker:      We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
            We need to go! We need to go!
 
Troi:       We must seek out the traitor spy
            And lock him up and ask him why?
 
Worf:       Ask him why? How sentimental.
            I say give him problems dental.
 
Troi:       Are any Romulan ships around?
            Have scanners said that they've been found?
            Or is it Borg or some new threat
            We haven't even heard of yet?
            I sense no malice in this crew.
            Now what are we supposed to do?
 
Crusher:    Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
            They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
            I can't just sit and let them die!
            A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!
 
Picard:     Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.
 
Crusher:    They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
 
 
*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
 HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*
 
 
Worf:       The saboteur is in the brig.
            He's very strong and very big.
            I had my phaser set on stun --
            A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
            He would not budge, he would not fall,
            He would not stun, no, not at all!
            He changed into a stranger form
            All soft and purple, round and warm.
 
Picard:     Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
            Did you see this creature morph?
 
Worf:       I did and then I beat him fairly.
            Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.
 
Riker:      My commendations, Klingon friend!
            Our troubles now are at an end!
 
Crusher:    Now let's get our ship to fly
            And orbit yonder Indran sky!
 
Picard:     LaForge, please tell me we can go...?
 
Geordi:     Yes, sir, we can.
 
Picard:     Then make it so!

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