The New Hacker Barbie
(LA, California) Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the
"Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The aim
of these dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic,
computer-illiterate, and academically challenged.
This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own
X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell"
series. The Barbie clothing includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair
of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio all-purpose watch, and
glasses with lenses thick enough to set ants on fire. (Pocket protectors
and HP calculators optional.)
The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen without
blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 16 hours
straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of technical terms such as
"What's you're Internet address?", "I like TCP/IP!", "Bummer! Your
kernel must have gotten trashed," "Can't you grep that file?", and
"DEC's Alpha AXP is awesome!"
"We are very excited about this product," said Ken Olsen, Marketing
Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage
incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." (A year ago, Mattel released Barbie
dolls that say, "Math is hard," with a condescending companion Ken.) The
Hacker Barbie's Ken is an incompetent management consultant who
frequently asks Barbie for help.
The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of Barbie
dolls. Naomi Falodji says, "I believe that these new dolls will finally
terminate the notion that women are inherently inferior when it comes to
mathematics and the sciences. However, I feel that Ken's hierarchical
superiority would simply reinforce the patriarchy and oppress the
masses." Mattel made no comment.
Parents, however, are worried that they will fall behind the children
technologically when the Hacker Barbie comes out. "My daughter Jenny
plays with the prototype Hacker Barbie for two days," says Mrs. Mary
Carlson of rural Oxford, Mississippi, "and now she pays my credit card
bill online. Got no idea how she does it, but she surely does it. I just
don't wanna be looked upon as some dumb mama." Mattel will be offering
free training courses for those who purchase the Hacker Barbie.
The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal with
the complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker Barbie Goes to Jail" will teach
computer ethics to youngsters, while "BARBIE RITES L1KE BIFF!!!" will
serve as an introduction to expository writing.
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